You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
