exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
