I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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