I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
