Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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