the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
