your thong is hanging out like whoa
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
