she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
high people should be assigned attendants
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Bring me that man meat
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
