guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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