My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
