Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just invented taco cereal.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize