I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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