can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
