I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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