I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
