Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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