"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
