There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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