I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
