He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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