I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
