i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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