i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
