i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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