WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
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The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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