I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
