she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I need water and some morals
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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