when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
