She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
