yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
