I'm drive I can fine osifer
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
