I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
