shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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