Apparently you make a good broom.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize