Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
