dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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