also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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