get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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