I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
