Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
