dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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