it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
