Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
