i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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