I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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