you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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