I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
