bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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