i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
