sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Randomize
