we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
