We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
