I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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