Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
