this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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