You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
